Our Home our Haven

Our Home our Haven

Thursday, November 10, 2011

                                  Just an Observation..Is it so for others or Just me?

It is that time of year when we bustle and hustle and worry about what to give whom..who..?I should have listened more in English class..too late now lol.
I am trying to make a lot of things this year to instill in the kids the love of getting something made by hand and also that it does not have to be placed in an electronic machine to be fun by the things I am finding for their stockings..I am off track...how unusual for me lol....
What I really wanted to talk about was the gorgeous people in our lives we have lost, they have passed away but the void sometimes seems bigger each year rather than diminishing,I guess that happens in time but it is time that can't seem to be measured.
As December approaches we come to the 12th, Mum and her twin Thelma's birthdays except when they got to the 85th year Aunty Thel was in hospital,and by the 18th I was holding her hand as she left this world, that day the light went out in Mums eyes a lot and she really feels it more as each year passes.
My darling best friend Eva will be absent for her 3rd Christmas and that brings me to the subject...
How come when these lovelies were here with us was it so hard to find something "just perfect" for them as a gift and now everywhere I go we say Thel would love that or I would get that for Eva.
It brings it home more and more that the gifts are just "stuff" as a postie I am at the moment delivering all the Chrisco and Castle hamper items,not the food just the things people have been paying off all year and if the boxes get any bigger I will need to buy a truck!!!
I just wish it were simpler, I do not get much pleasure from receiving,I love to give and would prefer the family give something to the poor rather than to me,it is all material really, ...the saddness that comes into the heart as you remember the special people that are no longer here is profound, Eva was such a big part of my life and we travelled all the way to the Uk, I pushed that wheelchair all over and i loved it!I would have walked on burning coals for her as she would have for me, her family however should have been fed to the wolves,very naughty uncaring..but..the saddest thing for me and I cannot change it is the lost,yearning look in Mums eyes as she counts down the days... 6 years on... Thel was sick about now... Thel went to hospital today ... and I would love to see Mum light up again, and for short bursts she does but it must be very hard to be a twin and be the one left behind.
On a brighter note,when you go shopping it does bring a smile,my friend Eva was a very striking woman,  (6 ft tall, tanned not typical English complection and blonde to boot everyone always noticed her,but disease has no favourites)that would not even consider wearing underwear that did not match, she was 53 and the only patient in the nursing home that wore a G String, so walking by the lingerie shop this week I saw in the window the most amazing, cheeky underwear,"ohhh I thought wonder how much that is?Eva would love that!then I realised she's not here anymore.
I hope that if you have lost some one special,and close ,that you are coping ok,I have decided that it is easier for those that have gone on ahead of us as they are at peace and we are all back in this mad,mad world missing them like crazy.Be kind to yourself, there is nothing wrong with loosing yourself in their memory for a little while as you sit quietly,have a lovely heavenly Christmas Aunty Thel and Eva,Sue and Kim,Leriva and Shoey,all such special people that will be in my heart forever.

5 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post! It is bitter sweet remembering those lost to us.

    But I wouldn't be without the times with had together.

    I don't know if you've even seen the film about the author C.S.LEWIS (of the Narnia stories 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe').
    It's very powerful...


    Jack (CSLEWIS asks his brother, after his new bride dies): Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore:
    only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the
    choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man
    chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then.
    Thats the deal.


    THE PAIN NOW IS PART OF THE HAPPINESS THEN...THAT'S THE DEAL.

    Sft x

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  2. I'm crying now.
    I miss our chats.

    xx

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  3. I think we all have these feeling at Christmas.

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  4. Losing a best friend must be the worst. My dear cousin was murdered in Canada almost 40 years ago, and it still pains me. Christmas (not yet, thank goodness) always seems to bring these feeling to the fore.

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